Today is day number four in my gym marathon. Physically I am more exhausted than I can remember being, but my head feels clear, and I ache with accomplishment. That sounds more poetic than it is. I will not be feeling so accomplished when it is time to put together dinner, and head back to the gym. I may have to admit I'm human and take the evening off...we'll see.
My body is craving food, and rest. Fortunately I have the luxury of sleeping whenever I need to this week, as I don't really have anyplace I need to be at a certain time. Unfortunately, I am too afraid of messing up my established sleep patterns, anymore than daylight savings time already has, to take full advantage of it.
I am not a good sleeper, as a general rule, and routine does help. Last night I re-tried a "Guided Body Scan Meditation in Preparation for Sleep," or at least that's what the metered voice of the woman on the digital recording called it. I don't think it's a good sign when you are supposed to be focusing on the sensations at the top of your head, and you're already thinking "come on, get on with it" aloud in your mind, and you've only just started the twenty minute recording.
Anyone who tells you that meditation is easy, is selling something, and it's probably a book, or video, about how meditation is easy. There is a reason Tibetan Monks wear those robes, they are earned vestments, not comfy bathrobes to hang around the Monastery. "This shit be hard, yo!" I am terrible at being still and quieting my mind. Like, storybook terrible, I think I covered this in my last entry. But, I will keep trying anyway in the hopes that sheer bloody-minded repetition will force me to improve. Then maybe, one or two brief moments will turn into whole minutes of mindfulness. I'm not holding my breath, because apparently I'm supposed to be breathing in thru my nose and out thru my mouth.
As for craving food, I don't care what it is, I want to put it in my stomach. Fortunately, there are enough healthy options around that I have been able to keep things under control, but the day is young. Marrakesh Stew for dinner tonight: a combination of cumin, coriander, cinnamon, cayenne pepper, allspice, in a vegetable stock with potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, chick peas, and onions over rice.
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