Minimalism Bear

It has to be said, I am not a minimalist in the kitchen. I don’t go in for too many unneeded gadgets, or single-purpose gizmos, but I have acquired a sizable collection of variously spatulas, scoops, ladles, spoons, and whisks that I cannot make myself part with. Of course there are the necessary pots, pans, bowls, molds, and brushes, in addition to plates, silverware, and table sundries. It all adds up to a hefty pile of stuff.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, get rid of your extra crap if you want to be happier, more productive, and have more life. I know, I know, that sounds harsh and dictatorial, but it’s also the truth. I promise you, once the deed is done, you will feel nothing but unburdened, and buoyant. The evidence is clear in my own life, and the lives of many others. If you want further proof, google minimalism, and enjoy several hours of YouTube videos by people all over the globe who have gotten rid of their belongs in order to have more time to live.

The good news is, you don’t have to live in a mini-house, or shower straddling your combination sink-toilet, to benefit from the minimalist movement. Over the past few years – decade really – I have been working to reduce the amount of things I have in my life. Budget and space restraints, along with the economic downturn, have lead me to purchase only clothing, and other items, that serve multiple purposes. We’ve gone from a two-bedroom townhouse, to an apartment, to living in my in-law’s basement as we get them set up for the next phase of their lives, and begin second careers of our own. Some of the cuts were more painful than others, like The Great Book Meltdown of ’09, however; I can honestly say I don’t miss any of the things I thought I would, including about ninety percent of my former library.  What having less stuff has opened up, is a whole bunch of time that I don’t have to spend taking care of belongings. For example: I don’t own a piece of clothing that cannot be washed, dried in the drier, and hung up again. My weekly laundry is done and back in its place – ready to be worn again – in one short afternoon. Our duvet needs a trip to the laundromat every now and then, but that’s it. I am not constantly fitting laundry in around other tasks - A.K.A. my life - or more correctly forgetting that I was doing laundry and occasionally rewashing a load two and three times, like I did when we had both more clothing and more space. I’m not rushing though evening traffic to get to the dry-cleaners before they close at 6:00pm, only to get there too late, and have to do the dance again the next day.

Not all, but most of us, have more stuff than we require cluttering up our lives and minds, blinding us to the things we truly need. I’m not talking esoteric things like love, kindness, or perspective – though the statement would be categorically true - I’m literally talking about the crap that’s in front of, and crowded around, the household items we actually need to pursue our lives. Disorganization, and clutter only ever create stress. If you’re still reading this with a cynical eye, I get it. I’m a creative, a mess-maker, I’ve never known a life in which I don’t have several irons in several fires, and everything I do requires at least some specialty equipment and tools. But; I have learned that the only way through every creative plateau, and to hit every deadline – exterior or self-imposed - is to clear your space which in turn clears your mind, even if you’re only going to clutter it up again as you work.

Just as most of us have things in our homes we don’t actually need, most of us find it difficult to edit what we have. The only antidote to that discomfort is to just start somewhere: a bathroom cupboard, the medicine cabinet, the kitchen pantry, somewhere that the lines between toss and keep are clear. Start small by parting with anything that is past it best by/use by date. That anti-biotic you were supposed to finish, the tub of Vik’s from 1987, the hair products you got yourself talked into at the salon, that never really worked, but you can’t part with, because they cost you $19.95 each… Get rid of it! 

If you’re like me, once the bandage has been removed and you’re engaged in the task, you’ll find the rest of the room goes quickly. If you’ve got the cash to lay out on three 20 gallon bins, I recommend the opaque type for this task so that you’re unable to see the items in your toss and donate bins once the choice has been made. Cardboard boxes are available at most home improvement stores for a dollar or two each and they work just as well. Place a garbage bag inside the toss bin, and when it’s full, tie it up and take it to the curb. If you are a person who truly struggles to part with things, you can allow yourself a maybe box. The hard and fast rule of the maybe bin is, if it fills up, you MUST re-sort it into the other three bins before you continue. I also recommend that you take your donations to the donation center promptly at the end of the day or the following morning. Do everything possible to avoid wasting your time second guessing your instincts. There are stores filled with every kind of object, and thing you never even imagined you might need, if it turns out to be something you need, go buy it: I promise you’ll have the time and the money. The keep bin, you put back onto the self, in the cupboard, or closet. If everything doesn’t fit, and fit neatly with a little room to spare, get rid of more!

At the store, don’t be fooled by the false economy of larger or bulk items. Yes, that gallon jug of lotion does cost less on an ounce to ounce basis, however, you only really recoup the cash you lay out if you use all of the lotion. We often fool ourselves into thinking we are economic geniuses at large volume discount stores, when really, we are only performing the exact behavior we are being directed to perform: buying more than we could possibly need, and coming back for more next week. All products have a use by, or best by date. Many things do not technically go bad like food, however any item that contains water – lotion for example - can become contaminated with bacteria and cause illness. In the lotion example it may be skin irritation, infection or rash. No matter how many preservative manufactures have added, oils oxidize, scents diffuse, and things break down. Most lotions, make-up, moisturizers, have a one-year shelf life after opening, even products that are not prone to bacterial breakdown, like over the counter medications, lose their efficacy. So, unless you’re so ill that you need 800 Tylenol – that’s more than two a day, every single day, for a year - that giant bottle probably isn’t much of a deal. If you need that much pain relief, you probably should be discussing it with your doctor.

For me, pairing my life down is an ongoing process, some of which was, admittedly, out of necessity rather than self-determination. The only downside I have noticed is that we are more tech-dependent, but then, our lives were already highly dependent on technology anyway, and all of our lives are heading that way whether we like it or not. By fully embracing it, making all of our books, music, and video digital, we have a huge amount of flexibility. So long as there is decent WiFi available, we can manage our lives, and finances, anywhere we want to go. When we moved from our apartment in Ann Arbor, MI we had twenty-five boxes of books alone, that didn’t include the CD’s and DVD’s. Now I carry most of what I need with me in a single device that fits in a small messenger bag, or backpack. There are also these great places called libraries whose sole purpose is to store and maintain books and media for future generations. That obscure cult novel that you just can’t buy anymore? Donate it! Need a book on the practice of Ikebana?  Borrow one! The biggest libraries in the country are, right now, making more and more of their catalogue accessible on-line, every day, for free. 

So, roll up your sleeves, get in there, and start tossing. We all have those projects we know we aren’t going to finish, tools we aren’t going to use, and exercise equipment we’re never going use again. Get rid of them! There are now groups for woodworkers, sewers, scrap-bookers, and potters to share tools, space and large equipment. Large and small tools can be rented by the hour if you’re not Mr. or Mrs. Fix-it. Or, go out and make some friends who happen to own power tools: chances are, they’ll come over and hang that curtain rod for you, and all it will cost is pizza and a couple of beers: a heck of a lot less than a $149.00 drill. 

Consumer culture wants us to be independent only because they can sell us more shit. We are supposed to be interdependent, our brains are built for it, and our base psychology requires it. Stuff is cheap, it’s our lives that have value. There are many spiritual, psychological, and ethical reasons to live with less but I’m talking about your time, and your ability to get mundane and necessary things done efficiently, so that you can put together the time required to pursue your life, your passions, and your leisure time without the weight of your possessions hanging over your head like some apparition of a life you never really had time to live.

Reflections on Orlando

The odds of each of us being born at all are 1: 400,000,000,000,000. For those, like me, who aren’t adept at large numbers that’s one in four-hundred trillion. As if those odds aren’t mind blowing enough, there are some mathematicians who believe that to be a conservative number and is more accurately 1: 700,000,000,000 (one in seven-hundred trillion.) But why quibble about three-hundred trillion here, or there? To put this into perspective, your odds of being hit by lightning this calendar year are 1: 960,000 (one in nine-hundred- sixty thousand) and your odd of winning the Powerball (lottery) 1: 292,000,000 (one in two-hundred ninety-two million.) The odds of dying by electrocution are a mere 1: 1,000,000 (one in one million) and your chances of being hit by a car only 1: 47,273 (one in forty-seven thousand four hundred and seventy-three.)

So, why am I hitting you over the head with statistics? I wanted indisputable proof of the rarity and value of every single one the fifty lives that were violently taken away in Orlando last Sunday morning. Not just because I say human life has value, or society does, or the church, or some guy on the news does, but, because the odds of being born at all are so great we can’t deny our own value. So in case you didn’t get it, in this universe the chance that there is a you, at all, is one in four-hundred trillion. That number doesn’t change if your fat or thin, young or old, pretty or ugly, gay, straight, transgendered, Atheist, Christian, Muslim, Jew, brown, black, white, pink, crazy or sane, or anything else I failed to name. You are one in four-hundred trillion. 

Here’s the thing; it’s easy to blame. The trouble is, blame only functions to discharge pain and discomfort. Once the initial relief fades we’re left with a hangover of impotence, and fear, and even more anger and sorrow, and the cycle repeats. Blame cannot, does not, will never, solve or improve anything. I want you, if you can, to tweeze some mental space between fault and blame. There can be no doubt that the gunman is at fault here. He, and no one else, purchased a weapon and ammunition, got into his vehicle, drove to Pulse nightclub, and began shooting. The question I have to ask is, are Muslims really to blame? Is religion? How about gun laws or our current administration? Are they to blame? Fault lies with the individual or group who perpetrated the act of violence, blame is what WE do to discharge our anger, fear, and sorrow.

Blame feels really good, and it can even be used to create the illusion of solidarity. I could, and have, spent entire days crying, shaking, and pounding away at my keyboard, writing every single pain fueled word I could about everything I think is wrong with this world; every group and lawmaker who has contributed to this event, every social construct, race, religion, political party I could aim my pain and frustration at. And then, when I was emotionally spent, I reached for the top right hand side of my computer keyboard and pressed delete, because it does not serve anyone. It does not serve any of the fifty lives lost, the fifty-three people injured and fighting for their lives, nor their families, friends, and loved ones. It does not serve any of us, unless it is our intention to go on screaming, and doing nothing. The trouble with blame is, when we’re done screaming, shaking our fists, and decrying everyone under the sun, we’re still left with blood on our hands. So, like Lady Macbeth, we have to keep repeating the behavior, and getting the same unsatisfactory results. If you don’t know the story, here’s a hit, it doesn’t end well.

Before I go any further, let me state emphatically, I am just a dude, with a brain, and a keyboard. There are many things about the world, the law, legislation, politics, and the psychology of trauma, that I just do not, probably will not, ever understand. I have no earthly idea how we move on from this, I only know that move on is what we must do. So, I’m going to put my ideas out there anyway, because it’s not only a benefit of living in a free country, it’s our responsibility.

I don’t like that we’ve labeled this an act of terrorism. There is an element of terrorist acts that is deliberately anonymous, they are not concerned with who they kill, only that they kill as many people as possible, as visibly as possible. This man didn’t shoot up a church, a shopping mall, a school, a night club patronized by heterosexuals, or an all-night vegan gluten free deli. He went to well-known gay night club with the intent to kill, injure, and scare as many LGBT people as possible. That, is a hate crime. I’m not attempting to deny that terrorism is fueled by hate, but this was targeted towards a very specific group of people, not a broad spectrum of people. Make sense? Calling this an act of terrorism distracts attention away from the group that was targeted and only serves to drive the “us versus them” paradigm that we’ve been living under for far too long.

We, each of us, needs to stop buying into the idea that we can never be safe enough, secure enough, rich enough, thin enough, diligent enough, promoted enough, just, never enough. It’s called the culture of scarcity and it drives us to constantly look in our neighbor’s backyard to see if they have more than we do, or at least, more than we think they deserve. It feeds directly into the us versus them mentality, and validates whatever behavior is necessary to do and get more, even at the expense of the only planet we’ve got, and human lives. The culture of scarcity has trained us to be reactionary consumers, and not citizens. 

When we abandon the idea that there is never enough, we see that we can help mankind abroad and those struggling at home. We can have gun control, and responsible gun ownership. We can get to the mentally ill, and help them, before they take up arms against other humans. We can raise generations of kids without gang violence, drugs, addiction, starvation, and homelessness, because in a world where we are enough, no one is allowed to slip through the cracks. If we are enough, we can have our beliefs and hold respect for the beliefs, and non-beliefs, of others. We can extend our understanding to people who live, and love differently than we do. If we are enough, everyone can have equal rights without anyone’s rights being diminished. We can finally fulfill the idea this country was founded on, and live equal lives, with equal opportunities: one in four-hundred thousand.

Anti-Ageism Bear

Stop thinking of yourself as old!

I live with my husband and his parents who are both over sixty-five, my siblings are in their late fifties and early sixties, and I’m a heck of a lot closer to fifty than I am to forty: the topic of aging comes up often in my life. Lately, I’ve noticed that my parents are healthier, and more vital, engaged, and active than people who are ten years younger. I won't say how old they are, because I'm a gentleman, but I will say that on a survey they have to check the box that reads seventy-five, and then there is no number after the dash.

While I'm grateful to share their genetics, there's always something I can still learn from Mom and Dad. The chief differences I've noticed are that they are active, they eat well (home cooked, real food) and I almost never hear them refer to themselves as old. Sure, they have some health issues, and they spend some time in the doctor’s office, but, when the subject of age comes up, I only hear them speak of how they must do things differently now, never how they cannot do something because of their age. It's just not an impediment, even on the occasion that it does present itself as an obstacle.

I was curious to see if there was something to the old saying “you’re as old as you think you are.” So, armed with nothing more and an index finger and internet access, I dove in. And guess what? Several well respected studies have been done on the subject and it turns out your attitude about aging significantly affects your mental, physical, and cognitive health and longevity. In other words, if you buy into the ageist crap society is dishing out, it's curtains for all those great things you're going to do "once you retire."

               “He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of the opposite disposition, youth and age are equally a burden.” Plato

Researchers in US and UK have found that older individuals with more positive self-perceptions of aging lived seven and a half years longer than those with less positive self-perceptions of aging. This advantage remained constant after gender, socioeconomic status, and functional health were included as covariates. So why should you care? The participants in one study were surveyed at age forty, and subjected to metabolic, cognitive, and health screening yearly starting at the age of seventy-three. For those not so good that math, their prejudices about aging when they were forty had an effect on how well they aged twenty-three years later.

In the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging [BLSA] participants who had strong negative prejudices about aging at forty, showed a marked decrease in the volume of their Hippocampus when they were scanned at sixty-eight years of age. Loss of volume in the hippocampus is indicative of dementia, Alzheimer's, and major depressive disorders. Those with a negative perception of aging, who strongly agreed with statements like "older people are absent minded," and "older people have trouble learning new things," had three times greater loss in hippocampus volume than their more positive thinking cohorts. That is equivalent to nine years of volume loss over the course of three years of the participant’s life span.

               “Here’s a secret I never have told. Maybe you’ll understand why. I believe if I refuse to grow old, I can stay young until I die.” Pippin – No Time at All

Of course, the issue isn’t as simple as practicing a positive or negative attitude. There are elements to aging which we cannot control, but here again your psychological make-up determines how you react to illness and loss of function. One of the cofactors is how frequently a participant experiences negative self-perceptions surrounding aging. Those who were chronically aware of aging, and its perceived negative effects, fair far worse than those who were only cyclically aware of the same themes.

The real consequences of our prejudices and self-perceptions surrounding aging is that these things underpin the choices we make. Whether, for instance, we remain physically active, participate in social groups, eat well, and continue to learn throughout our life is determined by our perception of aging and its meaning. If we internalize the idea that aging means we lose physical strength, we are less likely to workout. If we preconceive that aging means a loss of memory, we don’t develop tools to help us keep our independence or engage in practices that help us retain our memory. It’s all related to something called Leventhal’s Self-Regulation Model which was originally applied to impulse control, management of short term desires, managing cognitive bias, goal attainment and (psychological) illness behaviors. It works by guiding thoughts, behaviors, and feelings to reach a specified goal: basically, your perception or “self-perception” of your ability to attain a specified goal is indicative of your chances of achieving that goal. Leventhal originally studied people’s perception of illness as a stressor on health, future studies such as the BLSA focus on prejudices of age as a stressor on longevity. Repeatedly these studies found that your thoughts predetermined your actions which had direct effects on your health, wellbeing and longevity. Not surprisingly, whether participants viewed the negative effects of aging as inevitable or something they could influence had an effect on their behavior and therefore produced better results in metabolic and cognitive testing. In other words, just holding to the belief that they could have an effect on their health and wellbeing as they aged directly translated to participants being healthier, more able, and happier.

Four metrics emerged from the research that were indicative of achieving an advanced age, with good physical and mental health. They were: continued physical activity, positive mental outlook, continued learning and memory development, and – bad news introverts – regular participation in social groups. Physical activity and diet played the most primary role of the four metrics, but participants with physical limitations who engaged in learning new things and regularly challenged their mental faculties with puzzles, crosswords, Sudoku, card games, performed significantly better in cognitive tests than those who were, for lack of a better term, physically and intellectually sedentary. The participants who stood out most among their peers, had a positive outlook, and regularly participated in activities that fulfilled the remaining three categories including those with physical limitations who, “did as much as they could.”

"Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." Betty Friedan

The worldwide population of individuals over the age of sixty is rising, from 8% in 1950 to 10% in 2000, and is estimated to reach 21% by 2050. I plan to be in my eighties by then. I hope by that time we are all able to ditch the stigma of ageism and recognize it as an exciting new stage in our development, not without its difficulties and challenges but because of them, and, because of the self-acceptance, honesty, strength, and wisdom we develop with each passing year. I hope, by then, that I am able to face my own aging with kindness, laughter, and gratitude.